Trump’s Second Honeymoon: Over Before the Room Service Arrived
A Honeymoon to Forget
Presidential honeymoons traditionally last 100 days, a grace period in which a new administration pushes its agenda with minimal opposition. But in the case of Trump 2.0, the honeymoon phase didn’t even last a week. From the Super Bowl to the Daytona 500 to the Oval Office, Trump was everywhere, all the time, like a reality show contestant who refuses to be voted off.
Within a month, he out-revoked Biden’s record-setting revocation of Trump’s previous executive orders, launched a chaotic immigration crackdown, threatened major trade partners, floated a plan to remake Gaza the “Gaza Riviera,” and made the post-World War II global order look like a fragile sandcastle at low tide. Meanwhile, his cabinet appointees displayed less competence than contestants on The Apprentice, and the Republican-controlled Senate quickly proved itself as useful as a rubber stamp at a dictatorship’s stationary store.
Let’s unpack one of the most disastrous first months in presidential history.
The Executive Order Blitz: More Revocations Than Legislation
Trump came into office with one clear plan: reverse everything Biden did, whether or not it made sense. With the precision of a wrecking ball operator who skipped training day, he axed environmental protections, workplace safety rules, and student loan relief, replacing them with policies best summarized as ‘Own the Libs.’
His most inspired moment was rescinding Biden’s EOs, which rescinded Trump’s first-term EOs, creating a Mobius strip of presidential spite that left constitutional scholars reeling.
Immigration: The Great Purge Begins
Trump’s immigration crackdown began with a bang — and ended with multiple lawsuits. His administration reinstated the necessary statutory language, aggressively deporting thousands before the ink dried on the paperwork. The sight of military planes filled with asylum seekers departing for unspecified locations led to confused silence from Republican governors, who suddenly realized that mass deportation wasn’t just a campaign slogan — it required logistics.
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, seen frantically flipping through Deportation for Dummies, declined to comment.
Trade Wars: The ‘Art’ of Alienation
Trump wasted no time rekindling his love affair with tariffs, slapping heavy taxes on Mexican, Canadian, and Chinese imports and threatening tariffs on French wine and ‘all things woke’ — a category still awaiting clarification.
Stock markets responded with a downward spiral so intense that even Elon Musk’s algorithmic trading bots started praying. Economists, clutching copies of Adam Smith’s The Wealth of Nations, were last seen hyperventilating into paper bags.
Foreign Policy: Disaster on a Global Scale
Trump’s first diplomatic misfire? Rebranding Gaza as the ‘Gaza Riviera,’ a plan designed to forcibly remove two million Palestinians from their historical homeland and rebuild the area with luxury hotels. The backlash was so immediate that even Saudi Arabia and Iran momentarily agreed on something: that Trump had lost his mind.
His next stroke of genius? Brokering a ‘peace deal’ between Russia and Ukraine — without inviting Ukraine. The deal, hastily scrawled on a Mar-a-Lago cocktail napkin, was so poorly conceived that even Neville Chamberlain’s ghost refused to endorse it.
When asked about Ukraine’s exclusion from the negotiations, Trump reportedly shrugged and said, “Well, they weren’t gonna like it anyway.” Meanwhile, Putin hailed the agreement as “a historic win for diplomacy,” which, translated from Russian, means “We got everything we wanted.”
The backlash was immediate. NATO officials released a statement that was so carefully worded that it read less like a condemnation and more like a cry for help. European leaders, scrambling to contain the fallout, privately wondered if they should draft a formal “We Quit” letter to global leadership before Trump hands Taiwan over to Beijing in a buy-one-get-one-free deal. Meanwhile, the White House defended the move as “a bold reimagining of traditional diplomacy”— which, in Trumpian terms, means giving your opponent everything they demand and calling it a win.
Weaponizing the DOJ: A Personal Revenge Squad
From Day One, Trump’s Justice Department made clear that the rule of law was taking a sabbatical.
His first move? Firing every U.S. attorney who had ever investigated a Republican.
His second? Pardoning every January 6th insurrectionists, declaring them “patriots” and subsequently attempting to drop all federal charges against New York Mayor Eric Adams, despite the ongoing corruption allegations against him and the mass resignations amongst Adams’ senior staff and by the federal prosecutors.
Even Nixon’s ghost reportedly muttered, “Damn, that’s bold.”
Trump’s Financial Windfall: Emoluments? Never Heard of It.
Some presidents leave office to make money. Trump skipped the waiting period. Within weeks of returning to the White House, his family and the Trump presidential library miraculously reported $80 million in income, prompting ethics watchdogs to remind everyone that the Emoluments Clause is, in fact, still a thing.
The official White House response? “Emolu-what?”
Congress: A Rubber Stamp in MAGA Red
Trump’s new GOP-controlled Congress has made one thing clear: they work for him, not the Constitution.
In the Senate, almost every nominee — regardless of qualifications, or lack thereof — was swiftly confirmed, the only prerequisite being the ability to say “Yes, sir” without fainting.
Gone are the days of Lincoln’s “Team of Rivals.” This new crop of appointees is the “Team of Bootlickers.”
Final Thoughts: What’s Next?
One month into his second term, Trump has already taken an axe to democracy, a wrecking ball to alliances, and a flamethrower to the Constitution.
What’s on the horizon?
A government-sponsored reality show where contestants compete for cabinet positions?
A bill proposing Trump’s face on the $100-dollar bill?
Congress renaming itself ‘The Mar-a-Lago Advisory Board’?
At this rate, we’re just a few weeks away from Trump declaring himself President-for-Life and the Supreme Court responding with “Sounds good, Your Excellency.”
At this rate, by year’s end, we’ll all be required to take loyalty oaths before withdrawing cash from ATMs.
Yes, the honeymoon is over. But this time, we don’t have the excuse of being blindsided.
~Dunneagin~